It’s a trifle unfair of me to hog all the limelight with my bibble all the time, so I thought I’d introduce you to the wonderful lyrical skills of my buddy, Rob Simpson. A published children’s poet, this guy can spin a limerick out of a couple of boring nouns and a very questionable adjective. He’s onboard the site now to offer a different kind of review. Without further ado about much, here’s Rob’s rhyming review on Mama.
Right from the very beginning
This film sets its stall right out
A high powered exec has lost his job
There are gunshots, there are shouts
He hot foots home to the family gaff
After shooting dead his boss
Next on his list is the poor old wife
And he quickly bumps her off
He throws his daughters into the car
(Two sweet angelic nippers)
And speeds them into the wilderness
Doing 90…maybe quicker!!!
He isn’t in a ‘Happy Place’
His minds not on the road
And sure enough, the inevitable crash
They’re lucky it doesn’t explode
They trudge to the movie worlds most over used setting
A spooky old shack made of logs
The home to a particularly malevolent ghost
Still peeved by the loss of her sprog
She takes an exception to the errant Dads ways
And dispatches him with an aplomb
But as for the girls, they are left with the ghoul
Not a single soul knows where they’ve gone
Needless to say later on in the film
They’re discovered and shipped off back home
Now they’re more like Gollum than their previous selves
Two feral nutters from the twilight zone
And kindly they’ve brought back their surrogate Mum
Who’s claimed the two cherubs for herself
And anyone who gets too close to the pair
Can expect a serious dip in their health
I won’t tell you how it all pans out
But there are plenty of jumps, scares and shocks
You’ve seen it before in numerous flicks
It’s horror by joining the dots
If you fancy a movie to give you a fright
Then frankly you could do far worse
But not being able to break any new ground…
Perhaps THAT is Mama’s real curse
6/10
