Rhyming Reviews: Mama

It’s a trifle unfair of me to hog all the limelight with my bibble all the time, so I thought I’d introduce you to the wonderful lyrical skills of my buddy, Rob Simpson. A published children’s poet, this guy can spin a limerick out of a couple of boring nouns and a very questionable adjective. He’s onboard the site now to offer a different kind of review. Without further ado about much, here’s Rob’s rhyming review on Mama.

Right from the very beginning

This film sets its stall right out

A high powered exec has lost his job

There are gunshots, there are shouts

He hot foots home to the family gaff

After shooting dead his boss

Next on his list is the poor old wife

And he quickly bumps her off

He throws his daughters into the car

(Two sweet angelic nippers)

And speeds them into the wilderness

Doing 90…maybe quicker!!!

He isn’t in a ‘Happy Place’

His minds not on the road

And sure enough, the inevitable crash

They’re lucky it doesn’t explode

They trudge to the movie worlds most over used setting

A spooky old shack made of logs

The home to a particularly malevolent ghost

Still peeved by the loss of her sprog

She takes an exception to the errant Dads ways

And dispatches him with an aplomb

But as for the girls, they are left with the ghoul

Not a single soul knows where they’ve gone

Needless to say later on in the film

They’re discovered and shipped off back home

Now they’re more like Gollum than their previous selves

Two feral nutters from the twilight zone

And kindly they’ve brought back their surrogate Mum

Who’s claimed the two cherubs for herself

And anyone who gets too close to the pair

Can expect a serious dip in their health

I won’t tell you how it all pans out

But there are plenty of jumps, scares and shocks

You’ve seen it before in numerous flicks

It’s horror by joining the dots

If you fancy a movie to give you a fright

Then frankly you could do far worse

But not being able to break any new ground…

Perhaps THAT is Mama’s real curse


gem seddon freelance blogger freelance film journalist freelance writer

About the author

Gem is a freelance writer with 11 years of experience in entertainment journalism and movie blogging. She's written for outlets including Digital Spy, TechRadar, Vulture, Total Film, GamesRadar+, Certified Forgotten, and more.