Rhyming Reviews: Pacific Rim

It’s a trifle unfair of me to hog all the limelight with my bibble all the time, so I thought I’d introduce you to the wonderful lyrical skills of my buddy, Rob Simpson. A published children’s poet, this guy can spin a limerick out of a couple of boring nouns and a very questionable adjective. He’s onboard the site now to offer a different kind of review. Without further ado about much, here’s Rob’s rhyming review for Pacific Rim.

We blokes are not too hard to please, we’re a fairly basic bunch

We like our weekend football, we like steak and chips for lunch

And when it comes to movies we are pretty much the same

Our demands are few and simple, please allow me to explain

We like car chases and robots, super heroes, explosions and guns

(And if I’m being honest… a flash of boobies is always fun!)

So imagine my excitement, the clamour and the din

The first time I saw the trailer for the film Pacific Rim

“Giant monsters you say? Fighting robot war machines?”

I think Christmas has come early, I’m in heaven so it seems


The only other thing I ask when settling down to watch a flick

Is the director doesn’t employ a chimp, when it comes to penning the script

And this is where Pacific Rim falls squarely on its bum

The dialogue we’re subjected to does its best to spoil the fun

The characters are clichéd stereotypes… a token girl, two geeks, some jocks

The two “scientists” in particular should be taken outside and shot

It’s such a crying bloody shame ‘cause the fighting stuff’s immense

The monsters fierce and enormous, the robots…brooding, intense


My advice is take your iPod and listen to your favourite songs

Each time the actors start to speak, then you won’t go too far wrong

‘Cause when you take the dialogue out, Del Toro’s movie is top whack

Perhaps when he hired that script writer he had started smoking crack?!


Fighty monster bits 10/10

All the rest 3/10

gem seddon freelance blogger freelance film journalist freelance writer

About the author

Gem is a freelance writer with 11 years of experience in entertainment journalism and movie blogging. She's written for outlets including Digital Spy, TechRadar, Vulture, Total Film, GamesRadar+, Certified Forgotten, and more.